Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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