Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
