anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
