"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
