I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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