It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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