Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize