BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I will pee on everything he values.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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