He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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