this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
