first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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