Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
