I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
