maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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