The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize