It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
