woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
