i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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