Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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