me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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