You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
