Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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