Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
