Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
