why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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