So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
