It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
