youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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