I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize