Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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