It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
