yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
