my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize