I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
how drunk are you?
Several
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
