So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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