In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
