i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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