I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
