Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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