when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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