Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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