Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
