i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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