I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
