If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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