so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
