just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
