wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
