Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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