he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
