I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
