fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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