Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My cat gives me a boner
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
