If i come over, it means nothing
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
