i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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