So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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