I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
