You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
