just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
