Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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