booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am one with the molecules
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
