yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
