it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
