I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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