my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
