Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
