Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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