he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Edward fifth and chaser hands
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
