Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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