I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
