My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have fence marks all over my body
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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