You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
