Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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