You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
