I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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