I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
