Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize