all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
