watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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