so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
