shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
