does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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