The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
