Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
