Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Someone signed my nipple.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize