using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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