Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
