oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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