OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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