It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
that is very illegal...i love you.
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