Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize