Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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