You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
