I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
