I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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