I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
