We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
