shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
