Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
