So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
where am i from again
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
