Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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