there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
