I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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