Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
