tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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