Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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