dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
