i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
